Despondency
by Teh Pocky Ninja
Summary: Despondency, noun: Hopelessness, despair, depression. Just the kind of emotions you'd expect to take over when you're ordered to murder the one you love before sunrise. SasuSaku, dark, T for obvious reasons.


**Despondency **

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* * *

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His eyes followed a small, black spider as it scuttled haphazardly around the starched white ceiling. Nothing else in the bare room was worth noticing, and he knew the spider had been planted there for a purpose. To trick him into thinking that somewhere, there was a space small enough for a creature that size to escape this place. Then he'd waste his chakra trying to find that space, and when they came for him he'd be weak and vulnerable. They'd have to think twice about that.

His ears pricked up at the sound of footsteps coming from outside the door. Its seal was quite tricky, anybody at all but him was allowed to enter or leave. From the sound of the footsteps, it was a single, light person. Probably a woman, judging by the length of the spaces between each step. Another psychiatrist/interrogator, perhaps?

His half-closed eyes opened wide in surprise when the door creaked open, and a comfortingly familiar chakra filled the room. Its signature felt like warmth, flowers, sunshine…and freedom.

His eyes met hers as he sat up in the hard, iron-frame prison cot. She smiled sadly as his dark, sleepy eyes lit up at the mere sight of her.

"Sakura!" he breathed. "How'd you get in here?"

"I…" she murmured. "They let me in this time, I guess…"

She walked towards him in response to his outstretched arms as he stood up, and entangled her hands in his jet-black hair as he kissed her forehead.

"I thought…I wouldn't be able to see you."

"I missed you too, Sasuke…"

He detected the melancholy in her false cheerfulness.

"What is it?" he asked, noticing her flinch and refusal to meet his eyes. "What's the matter?"

He heard her inhale, and felt wetness where her cheek was pressed against his shoulder. Only two minutes they had seen each other for the first time in days and something was troubling her this much?

"What's wrong…?" he asked softly, concerned by her silent tears.

She sniffed once, her arms coiling around him as she squeezed him in a loving hug, barely able to choke out a sentence.

"Sasuke…I…"

"What?"

"They…I've been…ordered to…"

He said nothing. Her disjointed words betrayed the gravity of the bombshell to be dropped.

"To…k-…kill you…"

The next few seconds found her in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably as they hugged. He held her so she wouldn't see his face, which had gone pale as the blood drained from it.

"Shh, shhh, don't cry, don't cry…" he soothed.

"Sasuke, I can't do it! I can't…but I have to…I don't know what I…"

Tears still rolled down her face as he kissed her, but her heart remained slashed in two.

"…We knew this was going to happen…" he whispered. "We just chose not to acknowledge it…"

He was right. Coming back would've meant he'd die no matter what.

"…And…if it's my time…to go…I just want…to thank you for making my last days…the best I've ever had."

"But Sasuke, you can't die!" she protested. "You're too young! You've got your whole life ahead of you!"

He smiled sadly, stroking her hair. "Naruto's father had his whole life ahead of him…"

"But he died for an honorable cause! You…they just want you dead because you fought out Orochimaru!"

"I know…" he murmured, "I know…but there's no way to fool them…I can't escape this place…can't replace myself with an imposter…can't fake my own DNA when they check the body…"

She shook her head. He was only revealing the obvious impossibilities.

"Sakura…I don't want to go…I love you…I planned out our whole lives together, you know…getting married, having kids…watching them grow up and become shinobi… after long and illustrious careers we'd go into a quiet retirement and baby-sit our grandchildren…I wanted that for us."

"Sasuke…"

"If that's not going to happen…at least having you by my side as I go will be enough…"

"But Sasuke…I can't kill you! I love you so much, I can't do it!"

His hand grasped hers.

"It's what you have to do…I know you can do it."

"Stop encouraging me!"

After a few minutes of hiccupping, Sasuke glances down at her face, seeing her eyes clenched shut as she sniffled.

"Sakura…" he murmured. "I'm so sorry it had to be you…but if it's my time…can we at least…share one last night together? If you do it while I'm asleep…I'll just slip quietly away…"

"Sasuke, no…no, I can't…"

"I love you too…but you must. Or…you'll be killed and they'll torture me before I join you…either way I'm going to go, and…I want it to be asleep next to you if I get a choice…"

"Sasuke, I can't…I can't do this to you!"

"You can…find it in yourself to harden your heart, Sakura…You might find another if I go, you have a chance to be happy again…"

"But I love you! I don't want anyone else! Sasuke, I can't love anyone like I love you…You can't go, you just can't…"

"I'm sorry…I have to…"

"Don't talk like that! We'll…we'll think of something, there has to be a loophole, right? I won't…You're not going to die, you'll live! And then we'll be together, you'll…You have to live!"

"Sakura…" he whispered as she started crying again. "You know there's nothing either of us can do…if they kill you over me, I don't know what I'd do with myself…please, Sakura…just give me one last night…please…"

She knew he was right as their gazes met. He wasn't going to see the sun set the next day.

"Sasuke…no, no…no…"

"You have to…"

"I can't…"

"You can…I know you can. You're an excellent shinobi…you can perform any task without emotion or regret."

"But I can't do it to you like that! You're different! You're the place…where I'm allowed to be me…oh, Sasuke…"

"Shhh…"

She felt his whispering breath linger on her lips before he kissed her again, but there was no way she could fall into the bliss of his love now. Knowing by the next day, there would be no more of that breath in his lungs.

"Sasuke…"

He silenced her whimper with another kiss, this time with more feeling. Now, she somehow drifted away from the thoughts of tomorrow and kissed back, her fingers running themselves through his ebony hair as they always had since their first kiss.

Eyes closed, she only had feeling to rely on. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks when he leaned against her as his hands gripped her tiny frame. She knew how much he loved it when they kissed…

Only the feeling of being picked up and gently lowered onto something unpleasantly firm brought her back from a vivid memory of their togetherness while far away from the village…coming back held no joy for her, only sorrow and despair now.

"Sasuke…"

"Hush…just enjoy the moment…"

Her eyes opened halfway, telling her they were seated on his prison cot, her curled up in his lap as his fingers played with her hair.

_Sasuke…I can't…I'll keep you alive…we're going to be ok…please, just tell me everything's going to be ok…_

As if in answer to her pleading thoughts, she felt him lower his face to hers and kiss her cheek before drawing back, leaning against the wall so she cold use him as a pillow.

_Sasuke…_

* * *

"I…can't…"

She hadn't slept at all that night. Every second ticked by more slowly than the last, stretching the hours of darkness into an edgy eternity.

_He_ had fallen asleep amazingly enough, after they has shifted positions. He now lay on his side as she gazed at him, one arm left draped across her side of the cot where it had previously been wound around her waist.

"I can't do it…"

Her vision of him was already blurred by tears, they had fallen freely ever since the sun had begun to rise. Soon it would be dawn, and he would be expected to be dead.

_I love him, I can't do this…_

It was obvious he'd be tortured if she let him live. She'd have to watch from the afterlife as he screamed in agony, demanding to know why she let him live to endure such pain…

_What do I do…?_

Time was running out, soon it'd be light enough to wake him.

Her resolve only grew weaker as she gazed at him, still blurred by her teary vision. He had come back…that's all they had left to do, bring him home. Back to the people who loved him. Four years of adventuring, fighting, starvation, and near-death experiences. And they come home to be welcomed by Tsunade's fatality and a death sentence for the one they'd finally brought back out of the darkness.

_It's not fair…_

Their reason for wanting the last Uchiha dead was nothing more than a "safety precaution" against the snake-Sannin taking over his body…She would go down in history as the one who killed off the last member of the renowned Uchiha clan…the very one who had fought so desperately to save it.

_Sasuke, don't make me do this to you…please…_

With her mind stuck in drifting memories, her heart was practically carving the word "NO" into the inside of her ribcage. She loved him. She loved everything about him. His rare smiles, his way of hugging her that told everything else in the world to get away from her, his familiar warmth they had brought back after he had gotten rid of the one tormenting him for so long.

_Sasuke…my wonderful, amazing Sasuke…_

And after all this time…he had finally come to love her as much as she loved him.

_I can't do this…I can't take your whole world away from you…_

He would die with only his friends to remember him. She and he would never celebrate that extravagant wedding they had planned…he would never rush her to the hospital she knew so well to give birth to their first baby…he would be just another grave decorating the old cemetery, with the words "Taken too soon" carved into his headstone by his best friend and grieving lover…

_All for the sake of some curse he doesn't even have anymore…_

Her heartache flared for a moment, becoming furious anger.

_He's done nothing,_ she thought angrily, gritting her teeth. _Nothing at all to deserve this. He's innocent._

She clenched her fists, glaring through teary eyes at the wall above his unmoving form.

_You can't save him._

"Shut up," she whispered under her breath, not caring if she had gone crazy. "They won't take him from me. I won't let them."

_Just do it now…he'll feel no pain. He'll just go quietly and peacefully off to sleep…and fly up to heaven on beautiful white wings with a shining halo above his head…_

"Stop it…I'm not doing it."

_He'll be at peace…he'll see his parents, his beloved family again…he'll see their murderer writhing in the boiling pits of the underworld…he'll be content._

"No, no…no…" she whined quietly, gripping her head with her chalk-white fingers. "I won't do it…"

_You can make sure he has a peaceful passing…if you don't send him off now, he'll only go later with a broken spirit and a mangled body…just set him free…_

"No…" she intended to shout, but it only came out as a hoarse whisper.

_You're selfish…you want him with you so much you're willing to put him through days of agonizing pain just so he'll be with you when it's all over…for shame, Sakura. You know better than this. Do you want him to be in pain?_

"No…"

Her voice was only a soft murmur again, but not in response to the voice in her head's question. Her whole body was trembling uncontrollably, obeying no efforts on her part to move it.

"Wh-…what…?" she whispered out loud. "I…can't move…"

Her eyes went wide with wordless terror when her body began to move of its own accord, regardless of her internal shock.

"What's happening…?" her softened voice gasped. "What's going on…?"

No part of her would obey her attempts to regain control. She blinked, realizing she was kneeling on the cot next to the sleeping Sasuke's head.

"No…no…"

Her possessed hand reached out, her fingers alighting on several spots around his neck. A sudden jolt of chakra into those points would send a charge through his vessels, destroying every trace of oxygen in his blood. His brain and nervous systems would shut down immediately. He would be dead in minutes, if not seconds.

"No…Sasuke…wake up…Sasuke…"

She was breathing quickly in panic, there was no way her whispers would be able to wake him.

"Wake up…wake up, please…I can't stop…Sasuke…Sasuke…"

Inside, her spirit thrashed violently in a desperate attempt to wrench control away from whatever force possessed her.

"Sasuke…Sasuke, Sasuke…"

Her heart thundered in her ears as her muscles involuntarily tensed.

"SASUKE, NO!"

Her victory over her possessor faded in a nanosecond.

As though in slow motion, she felt a surge of chakra travel down her arm and into her hand, spreading out into her fingertips.

Not even her shinobi reflexes could have pulled her hand away in time. Even as she broke their contact, a spark of energy was visible jumping from her hand into his unprotected throat.

"SASUKE!"

For a few agonizing seconds, she was frozen in speechless horror as she stared at him. She heard a sigh come from him as he exhaled. His chest fell as the air left him.

She waited, everything piling up inside her, for his chest to rise again, for him to draw another breath.

"Sasuke…Sasuke, Sasuke, SASUKE!"

His body was still.

"NO! Sasuke, no!"

Her tears fell freely as she screamed his name over and over, her hands grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking his unmoving form.

"Wake up! Wake up, _please_! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Sasuke!"

She broke down completely at his lack of response, sobbing as she held him, searching for any trace of warmth, any spark of life.

"Sasuke…no, Sasuke…I'm so sorry…I didn't…Sasuke…"

_You…you killed him._

"Sasuke…Sasuke! I'm sorry, I-"

_Ba-thump._

Her eyes snapped open as she froze, her head pressed against his chest.

_Ba-thump._

"It…it can't be…" she whispered in shock.

_Ba-thump…ba-thump…_

"Sasuke…?"

His black eyes fluttered halfway open.

"…Unh…Sakura?"

"SASUKE!"

She felt him cough several times as she hugged him, now-joyful tears rolling down her face.

"Oh, Sasuke! You're all right! You're alive! I didn't…I'm sorry!"

"Sakura…wha…what happened…?"

"I'm so sorry…something…something made me…Sasuke!"

"Shh, shh…Don't cry, Sakura…don't cry…"

"Sasuke…"

_He's alive…thank you, thank you, he's alive…_

"…Sakura…"

She said nothing, only clung to him as if her embrace was the only thing keeping him alive. She felt him hug her back, and for a peaceful few minutes they stayed that way, wrapped in each other's arms as they sat curled up together on the hard prison cot.

The sound of the room's door slamming open made them both flinch as they saw the same expression in each other's eyes. Pure, unbridled dread. It was past dawn, and he was still breathing.

"I was right about you, Haruno. You're too soft to take him out," taunted one of the executioners.

Sasuke felt her grip his hands before she placed herself between him and the ninja swarming around the doorway.

"I won't let you," she growled, glaring at the horde of shinobi.

"You don't have a choice. Now step aside. The Council will deal with you afterwards."

"Sakura…just do as they say, do it quickly…" she heard Sasuke whisper. "I'll close my eyes."

"NO!" she protested. "I won't do it! You can't make me, none of you can! What's he done to deserve this? Huh?!"

"You had your orders, Haruno. You willfully disobeyed them."

"You won't touch him!"

She didn't know how long she fought them. None of her attacks were fatal, just enough to knock them unconscious. But where one fell, there were six more to replace him or her. Everything ached by the time she fell to her knees. Having used up almost all of her chakra, her wounds couldn't heal themselves. Puddles of crimson liquid pooled on the ground around her.

"No…" she whispered as her remaining opponents simply walked around her. "No, don't…you can't…"

She knew Sasuke had been fighting as well, she had heard pained grunts when his fists connected with skulls. It sounded like he was in no better shape than she.

"No…not Sasuke…no…"

"Come on, convict. Time for your term in the Torture and Interrogations unit."

"No!" she managed to gasp. "You can't! He's innocent!"

A heavy foot planted itself on her back, holding her down with almost no effort at all. Her wearied glance upwards showed her two or three of the shinobi carrying out an unmoving body through the battered doorway.

"No…no, Sasuke, no…" she whimpered. "No, no! NO!"

"Shut up," said a voice above her as the foot was suddenly pushing her head down instead of her back.

"No! SASUKE! NO!" she screamed, through her burning lungs and hoarse throat. "STOP! LET HIM GO! SASUKE!"

"_Sasuke, Sasuke_," mocked jeering voices all around her. "_Save me, Sakura_!"

"Let him go…"

"_Can't do anything right_…"

"_She's so useless_…"

"Stop it…Stop it!"

"Sakura!"

She bolted upright from where she had been lying on her side to be greeted with a pair of hands gripping her shoulders and sooty black eyes gazing into hers with something like worry.

"Sasuke?!" she whispered.

"You were screaming in your sleep," he explained, releasing her from his restraining grasp.

She glanced around her, her pounding heart slowing down gradually at the firelight dancing off the walls of the forested shelter she and the team had been staying in that night on another mission.

"Teme, is she…ok?" she heard a familiar voice yawn, and glancing to her left she saw sleepy blue eyes peeking out from a bright orange sleeping bag.

"I'm fine, Naruto…I'm fine now…"

Sasuke turned back to her as Naruto promptly fell back asleep.

"You were having a nightmare," he stated as in the background, both heard Sai mumble something about "Ugly, going and waking everyone up…"

"Yeah…I was…" she said, managing an embarrassed smile.

"What was it about?"

"Huh?" she asked, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"You heard me…You were shouting my name and thrashing around, saying 'Don't kill him, don't kill him…' What was it about?"

Her gaze fell to the floor.

"Nothing…it was nothing."

His hand lifted her chin up again, she couldn't help but meet his penetrating gaze.

"It wasn't nothing."

"All right, all right…it was just…when we brought you back, and…nobody wanted you home…and…you…were sentenced to…"

She saw him avert his eyes.

"But-but it's ok now!" she said quickly. "You did come back, otherwise we wouldn't be here, I mean-"

She stopped talking. Even now his speed far outclassed hers, having pulled her into a squeezing hug without her even seeing him move.

"I came back…for a reason…" she heard him whisper into her ear, making her shiver.

She smiled, winding her arms around him as well. "I know…"

"And even if I _had_ been in that situation…I know you'd get me out."

"Uh-huh…You're right…"

Both rolled their eyes at the sound of Naruto making gagging noises.

"Sheesh, teme, I know you're engaged and all, but if you two start making out again, I'm _so_ hurling in your sleeping bag."

"Go back to sleep, dobe."

Sakura giggled as Naruto rolled back over, before closing her eyes again and listening to the sound of the rain pounding the outside of their makeshift shelter.

_You're right, Sasuke…I'd never let that happen to you…_

_Never…I promise._

* * *

This is what happens when I'm forced to watch a whole episode of _Clannad_. Everything overloads on cutesy-fluff, and so I must redeem my senses with something angsty. Hope you liked, and Happy April Fool's Day!


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